When I started FNP school, my youngest was three. By the time I finished, she was in kindergarten. My older two were in elementary school. My partner worked full-time. And I worked nights as an RN through most of the program.
I will not pretend it was easy. It was not easy. But it was possible, and I want to tell you what helped, in case you are a mother right now wondering if you can do this.
You can. Here is how.
Mothering through FNP school is not about doing it perfectly. It is about staying steady through a season that will not last forever.
The First Truth
You cannot do everything you used to do, and that is okay. Something has to give. The question is not "how do I keep doing everything?" The question is "what am I willing to let go of for the next two years?"
For me, that meant:
- A clean house (I lowered the bar dramatically)
- Cooking from scratch every night (we did a lot of rotisserie chicken and pre-cut vegetables)
- Volunteering at school (not this year)
- Some friendships (the ones that required me to perform availability)
- Date nights (we did couch movie nights at home)
What I held onto:
- One bedtime per kid per night
- Family breakfast on weekends
- One date with my partner per month
- Sleep (most nights)
- One walk a day, even brief
The Schedule
I built my schedule around the kids' schedule, not mine. They were the inflexible ones. I had to be.
My study blocks:
- 5:30 to 7:00 AM before they woke up
- Lunch break at work, 30 minutes
- 8:30 to 10:30 PM after they were asleep
- Weekends: 3-hour block on Saturday morning while my partner took the kids, 2-hour block Sunday afternoon
That gave me roughly 20 to 25 hours a week. Not the 40 hours that childless students put in. But enough.
What I Did with the Time
I had to be ruthless about efficiency. No re-watching lectures. No making pretty notes. No long study breaks scrolling Instagram. Every minute had to count.
What worked:
- Listening to lectures at 1.5x speed
- Doing practice questions while folding laundry
- Voice-memoing concepts to myself in the car
- Studying at the kitchen table, not in a separate room — I lost too much time on "transitions"
The Guilt
This will not go away. It will visit you. You'll be on the floor with your toddler and your mind will be on a pharmacology test. You'll be in clinical and you'll be thinking about whether your kid's lunchbox got packed.
The guilt is the cost of doing two enormous things at once. It is not evidence that you are failing at either. It is evidence that you care about both.
What helped me was reframing: I was not "taking time away" from my kids. I was modeling for them what it looks like for a woman to go after something hard. I was showing them, in their lived experience, that their mom was a full person. That is a gift, not a loss.
Permission Slip: The kids will remember the version of you who tried, more than the version of you who was perfect.
What I Wish I'd Asked For Sooner
I tried to be a hero for too long. I should have asked for help earlier.
- Hired help if you can afford it. Even an hour of cleaning a week is sanity.
- Family help if you have it. Even a Saturday morning of grandparent time.
- Partner more time at home with kids. Be specific about what you need.
- School parents — I traded carpool with two other families.
- Your cohort — there are other parents in your program. Find them.
The Hard Truths
Your kids will see you stressed sometimes
That is not damaging. They will see how you handle stress. Show them the recovery — the deep breath, the apology when you snapped, the way you come back.
You will miss things
Recitals. Soccer games. School parties. Some of these will hurt. Be present for the ones you can be present for, and let go of the others without performance of regret.
Your partner may suffer too
They are taking on more. Notice it. Thank them. Make sure you are not so absent that your marriage cannot survive the program.
Sometimes you'll fall apart
You will. In the car, in the shower, in the bathroom at school. Let yourself. Then get up.
What to Do When It Feels Impossible
It will feel impossible some weeks. Here is what I want you to know.
You can take an extra semester if you need to. The credential is the same on the other side, no matter how long it took. Add a semester. Add a year. Add whatever you need to actually keep your life together.
You can ask for accommodations. Maternity leave. Reduced course load. Online options. The system is not always accommodating, but ask anyway.
You can leave and come back. Some students step away and return when their kids are older. The credential is not going anywhere.
To the Mother Reading This
The mother who is going through FNP school is doing one of the most extraordinary things a woman can do. You are building a future for yourself while loving your children. You are working harder than your childless classmates because you are doing two jobs.
I want you to remember that on the days you feel like you are failing at both.
You are not. You are doing one of the hardest possible things, and you are doing it.
The kids will be okay. They will be better than okay. They will grow up with a mom who showed them what going after something hard looks like.
Keep going. Two years from now, you will be a different woman, in a different role, with the same children who love you fiercely.
It is worth it. You are worth it.